My Slow Burn

It has been a while since I’ve updated anything on The Well, and I feel like in the months that have passed so much has happened, and God has used this time of slow down to massage ideas and focus into what the mission of The Well is. More to come on that later.

There have been monumental seasons of my life where I really don’t know what God’s plan is, but He sits in my proverbial passenger seat giving me turn by turn directions instead of giving me the final destination to plug into my GPS. Seasons like this are hard for me because I am a planner and I like to prepare for what’s coming.

This is what the past two years have looked like for me. My husband, Derek and I had prayed and hoped to grow our family starting in December 2023. Over the next almost two years, God has been so kind in growing us closer to each other, closer to Him, and being the most intentional parents to our now 3 1/2 year old daughter, Bella.

In Spring 2024, I finally gave in and went to my doctor to see why my body wasn’t working the way that God intended it to. He attempted to put me on medication that didn’t work. 2024 came and went, but not before we had a visit from one of my oldest friends, James, who lives in Dallas.

James sent me a voice memo in October 2024 saying he was flying back home to Dayton from Dallas, and needed to meet with Derek and I because he felt like he had a word from the Lord for our family. Derek, Bella, and I met James for breakfast one chilly morning in November 2024 and it was like no time had passed since we last saw him. Towards the end of our breakfast, he asked how he could pray for us. For the first time, Derek shared out loud how we had been trying to grow our family for almost a year and God had not answered this prayer yet. James looked at us both with tears in his eyes and confidence in his voice and said, “This is why I came home. The Lord has been impressing on me for months that you are going to conceive a child naturally, and that Morgan’s body is going to be healed from what has been preventing it.”

Derek and I were undone at the specifics James continued to share of things that were happening in our family. From Bella’s health at the time, to everything we were believing God for in our family and in ministry. I am so thankful for faithful friends like James who are obedient to God’s prompting to fly across the country to tell us this prophetic word in person. What a gift it is to have friends to fan the flame of our faith so we can be bold in obedience too.

Derek and I continued to pray and wait for whatever God had planned for our family. Here’s the thing – since Derek and I have been married, our family mantra has been, “Trust God, Keep Moving Forward”. It’s even hung up in our living room and it’s the first thing you see as soon as you walk through our front door. We mean it, we live it. Yes, there was disappointment each month with another negative test, but Derek has led our family so well to follow Jesus and to do what waiters do – serve. We’ve continued to serve at our church in different capacities, we’ve opened up our home to have people around our table, we’ve shared our waiting season with our closest people and have walked with some of our friends who are waiting as well. We’ve cherished the precious time we’ve had with Bella. What a gift it’s been to have almost 4 whole years with just her. It has been a highlight of my life so far to see my beautiful daughter grow. And that’s what we have done for the past two years, and will continue to do as God calls us into a new season.

In June 2025, 6 months after our breakfast with James, the unthinkable happened. I received a positive pregnancy test. I couldn’t believe that after a year and a half, being obedient to the Lord and deciding not to take anymore medication that my doctor prescribed, it happened. Derek and I were so shocked and excited. And then unfortunately, two weeks later, I had a miscarriage. I’ve been unpacking that experience since then, and already have a draft of another post because there are several things I learned from the grief that deserves its own space to hopefully help someone else who has gone through it.

Through part of my grief and healing, I started listening to every podcast that DawnChere Wilkerson was on promoting her new book, Slow Burn. There is one line that she repeated that I have held onto since and it’s this –

“This is not about you. You don’t have to put pressure on yourself. This is about an eternal soul coming into the world. At the right time, God will do it. You can trust Him.”

I have white-knuckled that quote from her and have since underlined it with the boldest pen I have in her book. If you pay attention, God will bring words from other people who have walked the same road as you to encourage you, lift you up, and comfort you. (Read 2 Corinthians 1:4)

A month later, I found out I was pregnant again with another miracle baby. Today, I am 25 weeks with our son who will be born sometime in March. When we saw him for the first time on an ultrasound, I felt like my eyes were playing tricks on me because we had been waiting for almost 2 years to see him. I can’t believe that we have the privilege of raising a son to grow strong in the Lord and to make a difference in the culture we live in today.

I find myself in another slow burn of waiting for him to arrive. Trusting that God has numbered his days before any of them began (Psalm 139), that He predestined him with gifts and a call on his life (Ephesians 2:10), and that currently He is knitting him together, fearfully and wonderfully while I wait.

The prize of the slow burn isn’t having another baby. It’s far from it. My identity, worth, and fulfillment does not come from my children, my job, my marriage, or any other role I have. My identity, worth, and fulfillment comes from Christ alone. We are able to walk through our seasons of waiting when we see that Jesus is the prize – and that every step on our journey He is with us, He is for us, He sits with us in our grief, He sanctifies us through our trials, and He loves us with an unconditional love that is so hard to comprehend.

I am so blessed to be able to steward the life of another little Benner and to allow the Lord to change and transform me as I take on the role as a mama of two. Being a wife and mom has changed my life in so many ways, and I’m so thankful that God saw it fit for me to be given the family I have.

If you’re in a season of waiting, I hope you are encouraged. Whether it’s to grow your family, find a spouse, land a new job, receive healing, or anything else, know that God is not surprised by your current circumstances and is waiting for you to just trust Him. He is worth it and will never let you down.

Until next time, with gratitude –

Morgan