There is nothing in the world quite as humbling as being a parent, is there? It’s like as soon as the doctor plants this new baby on your chest, you really realize how you have no idea what you’re doing.
I thought the newborn phase with our daughter was tough (and in our family, because of a myriad of health things, it really was). But I did not expect things to get much harder the older she grew and when my husband and I had to navigate all of the emotions and uncertainties of having a little girl, especially one who is more introverted.
Our daughter is one of the most tender, empathetic, caring, and observant girls I have ever had the absolute privilege to be around. I know I’m biased, but those things are just true. She is so smart and articulate in describing how she’s feeling, and she notices when other kids have a hard time and wants to help them. She will look at Derek and I in different settings and say, “Mommy, Daddy, there are too many people here, I’d like to go home now so it can just be the three of us.” (Can any other adult introverts relate to that?!) We are so thankful to be her parents, but like with any child, there are challenges.
I’m currently post-processing her recent Christmas Expo at her preschool, where her nerves were set off when she saw another little girl crying, which then led my sweet, empathetic little girl into tears and needing to be comforted by a teacher during the show. She had prepared and practiced her Christmas song, and was so excited for the show, and it ended up not going the way any of us would have expected. As I’m post-processing, here are a few things that I’m reflecting on that God has taught me over the last 3 1/2 years.
- You have to die to yourself, daily.
When a soon-to-be-mom asks me what it’s like to be a mom, my response is always the same – it will be the hardest and holiest thing you’ll ever do. And even though I’m less than 4 years in, this continues to ring true. I have been one of the most extroverted people ever since I can remember. I competitively danced starting at the age of 3, I love public speaking, and I don’t allow there to be any strangers when I’m in a room. So you can imagine the shockwaves I had when I realized my daughter was the total opposite.
I have had to lay down my expectations of expecting my daughter to be like me, and dying to myself every day to be what she needs to help her feel emotionally safe which then leads to her growing confidence. I used to really struggle (and sometimes still do) when she would freeze up in social settings and get so nervous to be in a room full of people.
God has grown me and sanctified me more than I can even describe when it comes to the patience and gentleness He has built in me to love my daughter the way He does. I don’t want her to be like me, I want her to be exactly who God created her to be. I think as parents it’s easy to project our expectations on our children and put unnecessary pressure on them to perform or present themselves a certain way that is not God-honoring or even realistic. I am so thankful for the Lord’s patience with me as I continue to have opportunities where I can die to myself and sacrifice for my daughter so she can grow in confidence in what God made her for.
2. You need to leave your pride at the door, there is no room for it here!
Like I said, being a parent is one of the most humbling experiences you’ll ever go through, if you let God mold you. I will be the first to admit when we’re having a rough go of it, I have to stop and ask myself – “Why am I having a tough time too?” If I’m really being honest, it’s because I’m embarrassed because I don’t want to be the mom with the crying kid. I know I’m not the only one because I have seen other parents struggle with this same thing. You see the kid having such a tough time, but you see anger and frustration rising even more out of the adult.
It takes a lot of intentionality, prayer, and honesty with myself to be able to pause for a minute, regroup, and regulate my own emotions before I’m able to properly and biblically disciple my toddler in those moments. I can’t worry about what other people are thinking and only look to where my real Help comes from to have Him comfort (or correct) us during the struggle.
I am so thankful for how much Derek and I have grown in this area and have really united as a team to work through them. The Enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy, and we have seen it in our family and in others how easily it is to have peace stolen, unity killed, and hope destroyed that things aren’t going to ever get better. But God gives us hope and peace, and our pride of wanting things always in a neat little bow or a ‘picture-perfect’ family only holds us hostage.
“But he gives greater grace. Therefore he says: God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.” – James 4:6
3. You will realize that you need Jesus’s help more than your daughter does. This is a GIFT.
The challenges that we’ve faced over the last 3 1/2 years have only given Derek and I opportunities to kneel before the Lord and ask for His guidance, help, and grace. I truly don’t know how anyone raises children without knowing the Lord, I surely don’t want all that pressure on myself! I’m still a work in progress and what a gift it is to my daughter to show her that I need Jesus as much as she does.
Since before she was able to talk, God put it on my heart to pray Philippians 4:6-7 over her every night as we’re tucking her in. Our bedtime prayer routine goes something like this each night –
Derek prays over her night’s sleep, that God would give her comfort and peace, and He thanks God for giving Bella to us as our daughter and for her to know how loved she is by Him and by us.
Then I pray “Do not worry about anything, but pray about everything. Bring all your requests to God, and thank Him for all that He’s done. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus”.
It is now the sweetest thing that she says it with me every night, and if we come up against a struggle, I’m able to remind her what we do when we’re faced with worry. We pray, and Jesus gives us peace.
I heard a quote on a podcast once that said something like, “Parenting is less about the parent’s hard work, and more about the Holy Spirit’s heart work. This has rang true so many times in our parenting journey and the biggest gift that I believe we can give her is to rely on Jesus to help her, because He is always with her, even when Mommy and Daddy aren’t.
She has told us stories how she will stop and take a deep breath in her preschool class and pray to Jesus and say, “Jesus, please help me be brave” and we know that He is listening to her, and have seen Him be faithful to keep His promise.
My biggest prayer for my daughter is that she wouldn’t have a testimony full of pain like I did, but that her testimony would be the faithfulness of God in her life, and that she can’t imagine living without Him because He has always been with her. What we experience as hard now, will only be used by God to pursue her and bring her closer to Him as she grows. She will know that she can always talk to Him, that He loves her, and protects her – and eventually – that He sacrificed everything for her.
One of the most meaningful things ever spoken over her was this year at our parent/teacher conference – her teachers said, “Bella is so special and so sweet. She has such a tender heart and we want her to realize that God made her the way He did for a reason, and she will come to realize that her meekness is not a weakness, but her strength, and it’s exactly how God will use her in the story He has written for her life.” What a gift it is to have teachers that build her up and speak into her life in this way. And what a sweet reassurance, truly from our Father, that Derek and I needed to hear to know that she is growing into exactly who He made her to be.
Whether you find yourself having a more introverted or extroverted kiddo, my prayer for you is that you will allow God to shape you as you disciple them, that your heart would be softened and sanctified to look more like Jesus, and that your child would come to know the beautiful truth of this –
What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer
Praying you take one step closer to Jesus,
Morgan
The Well Resources 
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